Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
