I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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