i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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