threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
