Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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