he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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