this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
