I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
