whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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