I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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