i just had sex bonerless
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
