i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I think I just sharted jello shots
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
