I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
