Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
