you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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