I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
