This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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