He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Someone came in the potted fern
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
