Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
