It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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