you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
