I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
