god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
