you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
