you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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