but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Randomize
