please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
