My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
The uberlube is also flammable
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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