is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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