A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
