I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize