How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
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