God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
you will always have a special place in my vag
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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