Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
