i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
