i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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