I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Randomize
