I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
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