he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize