SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
