I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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