i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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