The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize