he wants to bone in the snuggie
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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