Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
