Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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