Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
did i walk over a car last night?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
