guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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