You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
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