hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize