the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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