google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Randomize
