I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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