How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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