Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Randomize
