AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
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