Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
