drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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