Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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