It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
