On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
he high fived his dick after we had sex
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
