Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
