I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
