I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
