Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
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