i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
